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| CLINTON JOKES | |||||||||||||||||
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Saddam's advice for President Clinton after news of the sex scandal, "Camels won't talk. ++++++++++++++ Is it true that President Clinton's favorite movie is "Free Willy"? +++++++++++++++ The new scandal is being called "ForniGATE" +++++++++++++++ The Federal Trade Commission is investigating the case as well... as an illegal merger. +++++++++++++++ Clinton's problem is that he can't keep Air Force One in the hangar +++++++++++++++ Did you know that Hillary Clinton just wrote a new book? It's titled, "It Takes a Village to Satisfy My Husband" +++++++++++++++ Q: What were Clinton's fist words to Paula Jones at the deposition? A: "So now you open your mouth!" +++++++++++++++ The reason First Lady wears the pant in the house is because the President can't never keep his on ! +++++++++++++++ Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas.? On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up their car with gas.? It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love.? They exchanged hellos and then the White House couple went on their way.? As they were driving on to their final destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would now be the wife of a service station owner." She smirked and replied, "No!? If I had stayed with him, HE would be the President of the United States TODAY!" +++++++++++++++ Q. What do Clinton's Underwear and Socks have in common??? A. They both keep his ankles warm +++++++++++++++ "The President in the white house must learn that the word "HARASS" is one word" +++++++++++++++ Most people get AIDS from sex; but President Clinton gets sex from aides. +++++++++++++++ Arkansas is very proud of Clinton--all these women coming forward and none of them are his sister! +++++++++++++++ Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky? A: He couldn't give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first. Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar. What do JC Penny's and Bill Clinton have in common? They both have women's clothes half off. +++++++++++++ PRESIDENTIAL COMPARISON - Submitted by Ida Baraba Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Waterbed The President's biggest fear.... Nixon: The Cold War Clinton: The Cold Sore Complaints toward the President..... Nixon: Carpet-Bombing Clinton: Carpet-Burns Their Vice-Presidents... Nixon: His was Greek Clinton: His is a Geek Presidential qualities..... Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her Things the President couldn't explain.... Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase Presidential Nicknames.... Nixon: Tricky Dick Clinton: Slick Willy and finally, Presidential excuses.... Nixon: I am not a crook Clinton: I didn't get in her nook +++++++++++ A CALL FROM HILLARY - Submitted by Jana Cochrane --------------------------------- Hillary went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but, that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the white house. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well they rang the oval office and Bill answered. Hillary started screaming: "Do you know what you did you lousy jerk. You got me pregnant!!! The President remained silent. Again, Hillary shouted, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU #$@&# GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERK? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!" Finally Bill answered "Who is this???" | ||||||||||||||||
| JACK SCHITT | |||||||||||||||||
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| THE DEBT COLLECTOR | |||||||||||||||||
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